You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im on a boat
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