so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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