Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize