Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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