Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
