She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
