Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
