My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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