I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
