I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
