Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
