i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
