help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
