Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
