we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
