If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
