Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
