As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
