everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
