Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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