I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
