I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
