I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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