i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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