hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
