she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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