I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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