JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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