I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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