1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
