i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
