I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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