I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you would pick up someone in the library
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
