I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
