How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
