So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm like, not good at living.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
