dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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