i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
