North Korea, Best Korea!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
