Can Purell be used as lube?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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