Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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