every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
