I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
