You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
