I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
