new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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