Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
