Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
