I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
that is very illegal...i love you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
