There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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