i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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