Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize