He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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