why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
