Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
