Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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