i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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