So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
