Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
