I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
