my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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