She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
