Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
