My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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