I met the friendliest cop last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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