the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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