I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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