yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
