You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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