he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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