Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize