Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
