we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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