Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
