She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
