the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
