have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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