u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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