that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
