can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
