I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
