Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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